My story began when my nephew introduced me to his mate John. John had been living rough on the streets and sleeping in sheds. At the time I was a single mum with three children, I was 36 and John was 21.
I offered John a room. At first we were just friends but gradually I fell for him. I didn’t know then he was on heroin, I knew he smoked cannabis but that didn’t bother me as my Dad smoked it. I didn’t know a lot about heroin so when I did find out John was using it I was curious, so I tried it. If I’d known then what I know now I would have never gone down that road but we all learn from our mistakes.
It started off with me just having a little bit but soon I was taking it everyday. John didn’t know until he caught me taking it. At first I thought he would not stay but every time he had some he would share it with me. I ended up with a habit.
I realised it was getting a problem when I was waking up feeling really ill and rough and I needed to have more and more, I was also paying for two addictions and didn’t have any money for food. I lost my home but, I think the worst point was when my children were taking into care by social services.
I wanted to get the kids back, I had to leave Grimsby so I could sort myself out and get away from drugs. When I came back, I decided to get help and went to The Junction where, with Counselling and Support I stabilized on methadone. At first it was hard, not relying on heroin to make me feel normal.
My relationship with John ended when he went to prison for dealing and supplying weights. He did keep coming in and out of my life and I did have a few slip ups but eventually he got into another relationship and things settled down for me.
I am still on methadone and in my own home and have finally got two of my children back living with me.
It is still hard sometimes not to have slip ups. I did reduce myself from 96ml to 40mls of methadone but I was really struggling, waking up through the night and needing my methadone earlier each day. So I spoke to my worker about it and was put back up to what I was comfortable on.
I am still a recovering addict and I still need Support and Counselling. I am a lot better and I hopefully want to reduce to a lower level and be able to have a life again.
Published 25th June 2012
