These last ten weeks has been an incredible time for me.
It has been the most effective part of my recovery journey. I have learnt that I was not the only one who was affected by my actions. People who I love deeply also got hurt which saddens me so much. I realised that when I was at the height of my drinking which also was my lowest ebb I did not think straight in fact I didn’t think at all sometimes. You just go through the motions.
But there’s a time while in the midst of another drinking bout something just gives, something simple jogs the memory, mine was a picture of my two sons playing on a beach. Then you know it’s time to make the most difficult admission of your Life. The words are in the back of your throat, you want to say it, but the words don’t come easy, but you know once you have said them you can then move on. When I blurted the words out “I have a drink problem, I want help, I need help” my journey then began.
I walked over The Alcohol Project threshold on 30th July 2012. That day I started to dismantle the first brick from the wall I had put up to protect me. The wall I could hide behind where I felt safe from all the people who had labelled me and criticized me. I needed to remove these bricks one by one. This was done with great care with the support of Richard and Becky in one to one and group sessions.
After each session I would go back to my hostel and write about what was covered and discussed, this was like having another session, bits I hadn’t picked up on the first time round would come out in my writing. To me this is such an important point to make as it shows the importance of keeping a recovery journal.
While attending my group sessions I have met some real genuine people, people who were willing to share their thoughts and experiences which has touched my life and helped me along my journey. People in that room have so much to offer others who will come through the doors of The Alcohol Project. I feel I owe each and every one a debt of gratitude because without them and their honesty and wisdom, I would have found the group sessions a very difficult task. What stands out most of all is that we are all from different walks of life. We are all decent people with families, some in their own homes, some in hostels, but we all have one thing in common. We have admitted we have a problem, and have all united in one room and told each other our personal stories. That is a very powerful thing. We have all achieved so much together by being open and frank.
I would like to thank all at ADS for the support and help they have given me and thank you all for your patience with me over the last ten weeks.
I wish you all well with your recovery and hope you all have a fantastic future.
When everything seems like an uphill struggle, just think of the view from the top.
Brian
Published 3rd December 2012
