How it started
I started using drugs when I was 14. I started on cannabis at age 8 and using heroin at 14. I was going to school and using pills, heroin and other drugs with other class mates.
I had a good child hood with my mum, she did not know about my drug use until I was 18 and it absolutely devastated her.
When I left school I went straight into work and over the next few years I had many jobs but still managed to maintain my addiction.
From 18 onwards I was using heroin, crack and cannabis on a daily basis. Since then I have been in treatment of one form or another more or less continuously. I went to get help from the doctor and I did not feel I got the support I needed to overcome my problems. I felt that the doctor was rushing my treatment and I did not feel I was getting the support I needed.
I became chaotic and was shop lifting to fund my habit then I met a girl who did not use and I was happy with her for some time but the relationship broke down after 2 years. I was emotionally drained from the break up, I returned to using every day and I started to sell drugs to fund my habit. This lasted for around 8 to 10 years.
In the last 7 to 8 years I have been trying to change and have had support from numerous services.
I have had many ups and downs
Since I started using I have had many ups and downs but have mainly felt depressed and unhappy. There have been times of pain and also times of joy and collectively the journey has been SHIT.
My family life has always been consistent and supportive, my mum has always tried to help and support me, my step dad has been a good influence and supportive too. My father is a waste of space and has been on the dole all his life. I don’t want to end up similar to my father.
I believe I grew up too quickly and that half of my problems are due to my lack of education and I felt no one put the time in with me, my lack of skills in my opinion has been a factor in my using.
I don’t want to use anymore
I feel I have matured and grown up, I don’t want to use anymore, I want to find a job and move on in my life.
In my heart I feel I am strong enough to change. I am determined to give up using but feel a bit scared about the change but also feel a little bit excited about my future.
Published 22nd May 2016
