Ben: finding recovery, purpose and a new way of life

“I realised I’ve got something to offer, and I’ve got value.”

Ben’s story is one of survival, honesty and steady change. For much of his life, anger, substance use and instability shaped the path he was on, but today he is focused on recovery, rebuilding relationships and creating a future with purpose.

Now supported by The Alcohol and Drug Service through its East Riding Partnership service, Ben has found structure, connection and the confidence to believe things can be different.

Early struggles

Ben’s cannabis use started when things were not good at home. His parents’ relationship broke down, and he gravitated towards older peers and a crowd that encouraged drug use and fighting.

At school, he was excluded from two secondary schools for smoking cannabis. He later attended an Academy, which he describes as “a naughty boys’ school,” and then went into a job for a year.

“At the time I was having a great time and it gave me an escape from what was happening at home,” he says. “But as I’ve found out throughout my life, you’re only one decision away from making big a mistake.”

After school, life continued to be unstable. He experienced homelessness following family disputes and was imprisoned on three occasions for assault and ABH. It was during his third prison sentence that things began to change.

“That was the stint where I made it work for me,” he says. “I joined the gym and mixed with a crowd who were on a positive path to rehabilitation and turning their lives around. I made connections with my two young children too.”

For a time, that seemed to mark a turning point. Ben says he had 20 months of sobriety after leaving prison, but a series of triggers led him back into drug and alcohol use.

“My relationship broke down and I bumped into an old friend and started smoking weed every day,” he says. “Then I bounced back to taking other drugs and heavy drinking.”

At one point, he was working in a factory, and getting on ok, but his drinking escalated. He recalls drinking two bottles of wine a night and, at weekends, two bottles of rum or vodka. It began affecting every part of his life, including his relationships with his children.

“I wasn’t seeing my children, who are both under 10,” he says. “My job had been going well, but I found that at the end of every shift I was really revved up and couldn’t switch off, so I’d drink to help me sleep. Quickly I realised that I couldn’t function without a drink.”

Intrusive thoughts

Ben also started to struggle with intrusive thoughts, including violent thoughts towards other people.

“I’ve struggled with intrusive thoughts, sometimes suicidal but more often violent thoughts towards other people,” he says. “I could be talking to someone and out of the blue I’d wonder what it would be like to punch them in the nose. I didn’t want to have those thoughts, and it was really energy draining.”

He says the thoughts affected his confidence, self-esteem and ability to connect with others.

“Drink was a way to block them out and make me feel more confident around people,” he says.

Reaching out for help

Eventually, Ben spoke to his GP, who referred him to the community mental health team who advised him that he would need to reduce his drinking.

“That same week I got into a fight and was stabbed, and  ended up with fractured ribs,” he says. “I knew I needed help.”

Unconditional love

He contacted his brother who lived down south, and asked if he could stay with him. His brother did not hesitate and supported him through a week of withdrawal.*

For Ben, recovery is about more than stopping substance use. It is about rebuilding his life, reconnecting with family and finding meaning in the future.

“My brother was an absolute diamond,” he says. “He was calm and gentle, and when I walked into his home it was totally chilled out. We played jigsaw and the environment was perfect for getting me started. I’ll never forget how he didn’t hesitate - he just said, ‘Yeah, course you can, I’ll book you on the next train.’”

After a week, Ben returned to the Community Mental Health Team (CMHT), where he was referred to Talking Therapies and offered EMDR - Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing - a therapy often used for trauma.

Finding East Riding Partnership

Feeling more positive, Ben then got in touch with East Riding Partnership. He says he wanted support both for himself and to help with his family situation and family court process.

“They suggested the Community Rehabilitation Programme (CRP),” he says. “It was five days a week for 12 weeks, with sessions both on Teams and in person. It’s a group setting and people are all at different stages, but everyone is abstinent.”

For Ben, the programme became a turning point.

“I joined it and things have just got better and better.”

Why it worked

Ben says for him, one of the most important parts of the programme was the Peer Mentors, who had already been through the course and returned to support others.

“We had a topic each week, opened up a conversation and then the group explored it based on their thoughts and experiences,” he says. “Everyone was friendly, there was no judgement, which was really good.”

The structure helped him build confidence without pressure

“There was no pressure to achieve anything. It was totally relaxed and everyone was there for the same thing, but with different things going on in their lives at the same time. I felt the more I put in and talked, the more I got out of it.”

The range of people in the group also helped him grow

“There was a wide range of people - ages, professions, backgrounds and experiences. I learned how to be with people during this time. I had been anxious and scared of talking to people, so it gave me really good communication skills and improved my self-esteem.”

The Feedback he received was genuine and encouraging

“I got really good feedback about what I was saying. They weren’t bullshitting me. There were lots of occasions where people said, ‘Yeah, what Ben said,’ and ‘Ben’s insights were really important to me.’ I realised I’ve got something to offer, and I’ve got value.”

He also valued the boundaries and purpose of the programme.

“It wasn’t just a social setting where we were all going to meet up afterwards. There were good boundaries in place.”

Looking ahead to training

Ben has now been invited back for Peer Mentor training in September, and he is keen to continue building on the progress he has made.

“I’m also trying to get on to Introduction to Counselling to give me the base knowledge and skills to point me in the right career direction,” he says. “Maybe support work for people who’ve been using drugs. Other work I’ve done before isn’t fulfilling or stimulating, but this absolutely is.”

A message to others

Ben wants people in similar situations to know that change is possible, even when things feel overwhelming.

“Don’t be hard on yourself,” he says. “Trust the people who care - they are trying to help. Don’t be scared to be vulnerable. From this place you can take a leap of faith, and I am proof that this works.

“You can do it, and life is so much better on the recovery side,” he says. “Call your GP, be open and honest and allow them to help. Call ERP and trust the process.”

If you or someone you know is experiencing substance misuse issues like Ben, please call us on 01482 336675.

* This is not recommended and can be very dangerous. Withdrawal from alcohol should be managed with a medical detox and professional support.