She ran her own cleaning business, looked after her two children, maintained a home and carried on with day-to-day life. To those around her, she was functioning. But behind the routine, Hannah was living with a cocaine addiction that would eventually leave her fighting for her life.

Now in recovery, the 42-year-old is sharing her story to challenge the assumption that addiction only affects certain people.

“I could work, I could eat, I could sleep and I looked after my kids,” she said. “It was normal to me - like having a coffee in the morning.

“I never wanted to be that person. I just got lost in the addiction.”

A casual start

Hannah first tried cocaine during the Covid-19 lockdown in 2020.

At the time, her work had stopped, her children were at home from school and she was struggling with the pressures of home-schooling and everyday life. Friends would meet in the garden for drinks, and one day she was offered cocaine.

“I thought, ‘It can’t make me feel worse than I do,’” she said. “I had some, and that was it.”

What began as occasional use gradually became regular use. Before long, Hannah was buying cocaine herself and using it every day.

“There was a point when I had it every day for two weeks and I knew that wasn’t normal,” she said. “I stopped for a few months, but then it was there again - constant, every day, all day and most nights.”

Over the next five years, Hannah estimates she was sometimes spending £500 or more a week on cocaine.

Because she was self-employed and money was regularly coming into her business, the scale of the addiction was easy to hide. She continued working and, at first, those closest to her did not know what was happening.

“I was functioning quite well until around three months before it all came to a head,” she said. “I could not function without it, but I thought I could function with it.”

The toll builds

Hannah says the final months of her addiction brought rapid physical and emotional decline.

Following an unexpected pregnancy and abortion, she experienced a period of profound distress. She lost significant weight, suffered severe headaches and neck pain, became exhausted and struggled to get out of bed.

“I was lying in bed crying. I thought I was physically ill, but I never thought it was anything to do with the drugs because I had used them for so long and had felt fine.”

As her addiction intensified, the consequences spread across every part of her life.

Hannah stopped paying household bills, hid debt letters and saw mortgage arrears build to thousands of pounds. She says the family also faced unpaid council tax and utility bills, and later entered an Individual Voluntary Arrangement, known as an IVA, to bring their debts together.

“I spent every penny we both earned on it,” she said. “I got us into a hell of a lot of debt. I did a lot of damage.”

The cocaine use also caused serious damage to Hannah’s nose. She developed a hole measuring around two centimetres inside her nose, lost cartilage in the bridge area which has created a dip, and now experiences severe congestion and difficulty breathing.

She has undergone procedures to remove damaged tissue and insert splints, and currently has a custom-made septal button in place. She is waiting for reconstructive surgery, which is expected to involve cartilage taken from her rib.

“It is horrific what I am going through,” she said. “But I would rather be in this situation than still using.”

Fighting for her life

In July last year, Hannah became seriously unwell at home. She developed numbness down one side of her body, prompting her family to call an ambulance. At that point, she told her mother for the first time that she was addicted to cocaine.

Initially treated as a possible stroke, scans and tests later identified bacterial meningitis. Hannah was admitted to hospital for four weeks.

She says doctors told her family she had 48 hours to fight for her life.

“If my mum had not called the ambulance that day, I would not be here now,” she said. “I was very close to death. My children were nearly without a mum and my parents were nearly without their only child.”

Hospital specialists told Hannah that her immune system had become severely depleted, leaving her vulnerable to infection.

During her stay, a dietitian supported her to regain weight through high-calorie meals and nutritional supplements. Hannah says she gained nearly three stone during the four weeks she was in hospital.

After being discharged, she went to Cornwall with her husband, parents and children - a trip which gave her distance from the people, places and routines connected with her addiction.

“I think that allowed me to detox without realising I had detoxed,” she said. “I did not have money to get drugs, and someone was with me all the time.”

Choosing recovery

Hannah remained abstinent for several months, but after a difficult personal trigger in April this year, she bought cocaine and used it once.

“I had two lines and I became really poorly,” she said. “I thought I was dying again. I told my husband and my mum straight away, and they took me to Aspire New Beginnings.”

Hannah now describes that incident as a lapse rather than a return to addiction. Since then, she has worked with Aspire 4 Parents and attends regular appointments with her recovery worker, Maggie, to talk through triggers, grief and healthier ways to deal with difficult days.

“She has changed my mindset on a lot of things,” Hannah said. “I can get through bad days now and not even think about it. Cocaine is not a solution. It is not something I want to do and it is not someone I want to be.”

Hannah’s husband also carries out regular drug tests, alongside the testing she receives through Aspire. She says she accepts the arrangement because she understands the impact her addiction had on the people closest to her.

“I would let him test me every day if it gives him peace of mind,” she said. “I will get tested for the rest of my life if that is what it takes.”

Rebuilding her life

Hannah has returned to running her cleaning business, working during school hours and term time around her children.

Her customers supported her after she was taken ill, and the routine of work has become an important part of her recovery.

“I love my business,” she said. “It keeps me happy and it helps my mental health.”

She has also made a deliberate decision to cut contact with people connected to her former drug use.

“Everybody associated with that, I blocked them out of my life the day after I went into hospital.”

Hannah knows recovery is not simply about stopping drugs. It involves rebuilding health, finances, trust and relationships - and learning to face grief, stress and difficult emotions without returning to cocaine.

But she is clear about one thing.

“I would never go back,” she said. “I think if I took it once, I would die. I was so close to death before.

“I am grateful to be here, and I am determined to stay here.”

Maggie Walley, Hannah’s Recovery Worker says:

“It has been and continues to be an absolute privilege to work alongside Hannah in her recovery journey here within Aspire 4 Parents. From the start Hannah has shown great commitment and self-awareness around her recovery and has continued to build on the strengths and coping strategies she already has, to think ahead for her long-term recovery.

“The biggest thing we often talk about is finding joy in recovery, for Hannah and her family. I am grateful to Hannah that she has felt able to share her story and hope it also gives other parents confidence that accessing support can lead to positive and lasting change.”

It can happen to anyone

Hannah is sharing her story to show that addiction can affect anyone.

In her early twenties, she spent time with friends who used recreational drugs, including amphetamines and ecstasy, but she never felt tempted to try them herself. While others used drugs, Hannah says she would stick to a four-pack of Bacardi Breezers.

Looking back, she still finds it difficult to believe that she later became dependent on cocaine.

“This can happen to anyone,” she said. “You never know what might trigger an addiction, and when you are in it, it is not always easy to recognise what is happening to you.

“I hope that by sharing my story, other people will see something of themselves in it and seek the help they need.”

Support information

If you or someone you know is experiencing issues with substance misuse, help is available. Please call:

- Aspire New Beginnings in Doncaster - 01302 571240

- Aspire Drug and Alcohol Services in Doncaster - 01302 730956

- The Alcohol and Drug Service Hull and the East Riding - 01482 320606.

For family support, this is an opportunity for families where one party has an addiction where one or more parties come together with a trained therapist to explore the dynamics within their relationships and look at how substances are affecting parenting. Please click HERE